just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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