Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
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