Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
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Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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