Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
