Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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