WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
