The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
