I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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