Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
