Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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