were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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