I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
