Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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