Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
