He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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