Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
