I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
