I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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