his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.