I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.