Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.