she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.