meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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