Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
