I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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