it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
