you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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