woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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