There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
