thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I enjoy the company of your penis
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
