her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
