how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
