I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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