Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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