Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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