Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
