i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
