I CAN MOONWALK!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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