It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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