Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
