the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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