Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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