he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
