My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
