Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
