honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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