Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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