So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
