In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
