i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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