I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
