yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize