I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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