i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
