Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
