Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
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I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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