I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
