Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
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I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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