i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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