I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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