I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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