we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
