I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i dont even know how to be here
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Randomize
